You can only cite traffic as your excuse for lateness so many times.

Traffic, car trouble, sick relative. Those excuses for being late for work only get by a few times before your boss begins rolling her eyes. For excuses so unique that your boss finds them impossible to argue with, try this handy dandy formula.

Randomly choose a number between one and ten, a letter between a and j, and a color (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, brown, black, white, or pink). Your answers correspond to an item below. Put the items in order and you have a brand new custom made excuse that’s so off the wall, your boss couldn’t possibly think it’s fake.

1. My neighbor

2. An injured puppy

3. Aliens

4. The Pope

5. My favorite elementary school teacher, Mrs. Short-Bottom

6. Lindsay Lohan and her entourage

7. Skinheads

8. Strangers

9. The CIA

10. Peter Pan

a. ran me over with

b. waged war against

c. invented

d. stole

e. tickled

f. don’t approve of

g. declared a holiday for

h. stopped by with

i. put a spell on

j. hit me in the face with

Red – my dog.

Orange – a birthday cake.

Yellow – those bastards.

Green – dirty diapers.

Blue – a UFO.

Purple – everybody.

Brown – double-stick tape.

Black – the large intestine.

White – gravity.

Pink – your mom.

So, if you chose seven, d, red, your excuse will be: skinheads stole my dog. This actually happens to people, so why would you joke about something like that? You wouldn’t. And if your boss implies that you are, it’s time to pull out the waterworks and act appalled that she would think of you that way.

If you’re often late, you can write these items on slips of paper and keep them in your glove compartment to pluck out at a moment’s notice. Or write them on one of those fly-catcher thingys, elementary school style. (You know, those things that you fold up and they tell you who you’re going to marry. Anyone? Anyone?)

Or you could just stop being late. (You knew the lecture was coming somewhere, right?) If you’re constantly late because of traffic, leave your house earlier. If something always comes up as you’re heading right out the door, give yourself ten extra minutes to get ready each day. Often being late means there simply isn't enough effort being made on your part, but it is occasionally part of a larger problem. More ideas on how to be on time can be found in the article, Always Late for Work. If that doesn't work, just tell your boss that your neighbor put a spell on everybody.